Rumination: Why Do We Get Stuck?

We’ve all experienced it. An embarrassing social interaction. A stinging critique from your boss. A Freudian slip during an all staff presentation. A brief moment, no big deal. Until your mind starts replaying it over and over and over and over and over and over and…

This delightful habit is rumination. Most of us can think of a time or two that we’ve been stuck in a negative thought cycle. But if you engage in ruminating or repetitive thoughts on a regular basis, it will have negative effects on your mental health and well being.

It may take a long time to recognize rumination as a problematic behavior because, at it’s core, it is an attempt to problem solve. Problem solving is good! However, it slips out of the realm of healthy problem solving and into rumination if any of the following are true:

• You are thinking about it repeatedly for a long period of time that seems disproportionate to the problem

• You aren’t identifying solutions, just continuing to replay the problem

• It is a situation that doesn’t actually have a solution (i.e. an awkward social exchange - you can’t change the past!)

• It is negatively impacting your ability to participate in and enjoy daily life

Research on rumination shows that this behavior increases the likelihood of experiencing depression and anxiety. But research aside, think about this way. You have a problem, with all the emotion that is tied to that problem. Then the problem ends. But you continue to think about it, and feel about it, over and over again.

Rumination extends the emotional lifespan of temporary problems for however long you allow it to.

The good news: this is a learned and therefore able-to-be-unlearned behavior! Just like most things I write about here, with some practice, and some mindfulness, you can train your brain to decrease rumination. If you’re a ruminator, here’s a quick list of strategies to try:

• Distract yourself. This must be with an activity that you enjoy, so that your mind is actively engaged with the activity and therefore less likely to wander back to the problem.

• Talk with friends or loved ones – about anything but the problem.

• Use humor! Sometimes the ability to laugh at ourselves can be exactly what we need to break a negative cycle. Ever notice how many funny memes there are about social awkwardness and mental health? Because it’s hilarious - and we all experience it.

• Schedule time for ruminating. This might seem counter intuitive, but for many people, it is helpful to say to yourself, “I am allowed to think about this for 30 minutes at 3:00”. Think of it like compartmentalizing. If your mind knows it will get its chance to ruminate, it will be less likely to wander over to those thoughts while you’re taking care of business the rest of the day.

• Meditate. Meditate. Meditate. The practice of meditation is a natural solution to overthinking. Bring mindful awareness to your physical self and to your thoughts, allowing them to pass by, rather than to linger.

If you’re someone who ruminates, rehashes, or overthinks, and want some support in learning how to change that behavior, consider seeing a therapist for help with making that change!

Kathleen is a mental health professional in St. Louis, MO.  She specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety in adults, college students, and high school students.  You can contact her office by phone: 314-499-2994, or email: kathleen@newleafstl.com.

The trouble with "Good Vibes Only"

Every day I see this on IG and on notebooks and t shirts that my students wear around the high school: “Good Vibes Only.” It’s an upbeat, passing thought, and I’m sure I’ve posted things similar, if not this exact phrase.

The sentiment here is innocent and cheerful with a hint of power (i.e. the implication that you have the power to control every vibe that comes your way - which *spoiler alert* nobody does).

But lately when I see it I can’t help but think: would I ever say this - With sincerity - to a distressed client or friend? What about those days when we just don’t feel good or positive? 

At best, this is a simple mantra and in the right setting could give someone a mental boost. But at worst – on those not-so-good days - it’s potentially isolating and invalidating to those who just aren’t feeling all light and positive right now.

Think about this in action. If your best friend loses a loved one, and comes to you distraught, lost, tearful, seeking connection and solace – would you say to them “ooooh, sorry, but good vibes only,” and shut down that interaction? My guess is no! Because what comfort does it bring to someone who is experiencing emotional pain to say only the fluffy, positive stuff is allowed?

And that’s why this phrase doesn’t work for me. The absoluteness of ONLY. The human experience isn’t ONLY anything. It’s not good vibes only, or bad vibes only. It’s both of these, as well as the whole range of emotion in between and around those two. 

Validation of emotions – all of our emotions – is an intensely important ingredient in human connection. Connection to self, and to others. 

Instead of brushing aside the “bad vibes”, try mindfully sitting with them, possibly with the support of a therapist or trusted person. Feel the heat of anger in your belly. Marvel at the vast depths that sadness can reach. Note the physical responses in your body to frustration or anxiety or embarrassment. Even right now, you might notice your shoulders raised to your ears, or your jaw clenched. Observe how grief and loss can roll over you like waves, sometimes crashing frequently, other times calm and receding. And note that all of these can occur simultaneously with other emotions - including the "good" ones.

And as you do this remember:

Your. Emotions. Are. valid.

In all their complexity and intensity, they are valid, and they are yours. And it’s OK to experience them - ALL of them. 

So … good vibes? Definitely!

But not good vibes only.

Kathleen is a mental health professional in St. Louis, MO.  She specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety in adults, college students, and high school students.  You can contact her office by phone: 314-499-2994, or email: kathleen@newleafstl.com.

What you say to yourself matters (2 of 2)

Now that you’ve spent some time identifying your negative thoughts from that nagging inner-critic, what are you gonna do about it? 

When we feel unhappy, overwhelmed, depressed, or anxious, the feeling is a product of the thoughts we have about our situation, not the situation itself.

And this is good news! Because while you can’t always control your environment, you can exercise some control over these thoughts.  Small shifts in perception and mindset can help to turn things around.  Here are some strategies to try the next time your inner critic is on a rampage.

Observe them

If you read last week’s post, you’ve already done this! Simply identify your thoughts that are negative, and give them the space to exist without judgment. Just observe them. 

You might also try sitting with the thoughts and observing the feelings that arise - emotionally and physically. A brief body scan pairs well with this observant activity.

Challenge them

This is less passive then the first strategy.  Look at the content of the thought and ask, is this really true? Could I be overthinking/assuming/exaggerating? 

And also is it permanent? Will I feel differently about this in one hour? One week? One year?

Spin them

Try to shift perspectives and see, is there any other way to look at this situation that would be less upsetting? Is there anything positive here?

Box them up

If you find you can’t spin the thought, feel free to box it up for later in order to get on with your day.

You could do this by thought-stopping (actively telling your inner-critic “stop!”) or for some, it helps to actually visualize placing the issue in a box and putting it away for later. Just remember to come back and unbox it when you are feeling up to the challenge.

Crowd them out

There's a reason the phrase “Go to your happy place” is a cliche in mental health care. It might elicit an eye roll, but shifting your mental focus away from the negative thoughts does help.

You can internally crowd out the thoughts by thinking of happy memories, or just lighter, even humorous topics. Externally, you distract yourself by engaging in an activity that releases your feel-good chemicals, whether that's having a cup of tea, going for a run, meeting up with a friend, etc. 

As always – treat yourself with kindness.

When you catch that inner-critic harassing you, counteract that with compassion and care. If you're having a hard time telling yourself kind things, try a self-love meditation like this one.

Remind yourself that you are enough, that you are trying, that you are human and you are worthy of love and kindness. 

Do you feel like your negative thoughts are preventing you from living your best life? Do you find yourself in thought spirals of self-criticism? Working with a therapist is a great way to start taming that inner-critic in a safe, judgement free space. 

Kathleen is a mental health professional in St. Louis, MO.  She specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety in adults, college students, and high school students.  You can contact her office by phone: 314-499-2994, or email: kathleen@newleafstl.com.