It's trending...and why wouldn't it be? Spending time outdoors, eating food (sometimes healthy, sometimes pizza), drinking wine, yoga, meditation, spa days, time with loved ones, time with pets, time alone. Sounds perfect! But this isn’t all there is to caring for yourself.
This is #selfcare. We see it all over our Instagram feeds. It sometimes seems indulgent; it emphasizes slowing down and enjoying ourselves. It is setting aside time for specific, self-motivated activities that recharge us. And it IS beneficial. Taking a yoga class, downloading a meditation app (and actually using it), getting outside to soak up some sun, enjoying time with a friend, being present in an activity you love like painting or reading. All these things can help decrease stress levels and recharge us emotionally.
Why, then, do we so often feel stress roll right back in as soon as we leave the yoga studio? If this feels familiar, it could be because you are using #selfcare as an escape from a stress-filled life, rather than as a counterpart to true Self-care in a balanced life.
Self-care includes the less Instagram-worthy activities that contribute to our long-term wellness. Things like evaluating personal relationships, nurturing positive ties and cutting unhealthy ones; self-advocating in the workplace when you deserve a raise or are unhappy with a policy; sitting down with your finances and creating a budget; keeping up with things like homework, laundry, oil-changes, doctor’s appointments; engaging in physical exercise and healthy eating depending on individual ability and needs; keeping your environment clean so that you can relax at home. While these things aren't as glamorous or fun, staying on top of activities like these creates a foundation for long-term wellness and balance. When you put them off, they grow larger, and more daunting. But when they are attended to, it allows #selfcare to become part of the wellness picture, rather than an indulgence or escape plan.
So how do you start truly caring for yourself?
Start by sitting down and writing out the things in your life that need some attention – maybe things you’ve been avoiding – and ask yourself:
What items on my list would take just a couple of minutes to complete?
What items need more in-depth attention?
What items might I need help with?
See it on paper. Break it down into manageable tasks. Start checking these off, one task or sub-task at a time. Ask for support. Incorporate your favorite #selfcare activities to stay energized as you start to manage your list. And of course, be compassionate and patient with yourself. Care about yourself enough to get it done, because you know it will benefit you. And enjoy a balanced life where a good book and a glass of wine is an enhancement, not an escape.
Do you feel like you can’t get ahead of life’s to-do list? Do you engage in #selfcare to avoid or escape? If you feel you can’t even begin making this list, meeting with a counselor is a good place to start. You don’t have to do it alone!
Kathleen is a mental health professional in St. Louis, MO. She specializes in the treatment of depression and anxiety in adults, college students, and high school students. You can contact her office by phone: 314-499-2994, or email: kathleen@newleafstl.com.